第96届普利策奖特写摄影奖:伊战士兵Scott Ostrom

4月16日,美国哥伦比亚大学新闻学院公布一年一度的普利策新闻奖的获奖名单。特写摄影奖颁给了《丹佛邮报》克雷格 F.沃克拍摄的《伊战士兵Scott Ostrom》。这组图记录了一名伊拉克战争士兵回国后,经历创伤后遗症的痛苦。

摄影师、记者Craig F. Walker

After serving four years as a reconnaissance man and deploying twice to Iraq, Brian Scott Ostrom, 27, returned home to the U.S. with a severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder. “The most important part of my life already happened. The most devastating. The chance to come home in a box. Nothing is ever going to compare to what I’ve done, so I’m struggling to be at peace with that,” Scott said. He attributes his PTSD to his second deployment to Iraq, where he served seven months in Fallujah with the 2nd Reconnaissance Battalion. “It was the most brutal time of my life,” he said. “I didn’t realize it because I was living it. It was a part of me.” Since his discharge, Scott has struggled with daily life, from finding and keeping employment to maintaining healthy relationships. But most of all, he’s struggled to overcome his brutal and haunting memories of Iraq. Nearly five years later, Scott remains conflicted by the war. Though he is proud of his service and cares greatly for his fellow Marines, he still carries guilt for things he did — and didn’t do — fighting a war he no longer believes in.

Photos by Craig F. Walker, The Denver Post

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Brian Scott Ostrom cups his hand over his mouth as he tries to calm a panic attack at his apartment in Boulder on May 2, 2011. Scott says it’s been hard to find meaning in his life since 2007, when he was honorably discharged from the United States Marine Corps. #

图为Scott Ostrom以手掩口,试图从疼痛中平静下来。Scott说,自2007年退役后,他已很难再找到生活的意义。

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott drives to a Boulder bar to meet his girlfriend on April 30, 2011. The stitches in his neck were from his attempted suicide earlier in the week after the couple had an argument. “It spiraled out of control. … I was so full of rage and resentment. I was mad at myself. I was in flight-or-fight mode. Since I’m a Marine, there is no flight mode. ItŐs fight … itŐs kill, kill, kill. Well, IŐm not going to kill (her),” he said. Scott said he believes every combat vet struggling with PTSD has a contingency plan. “Every one of us has a suicide plan. We all know how to kill, and we all have a plan to kill ourselves.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott counts the stitches in his wrist while having a drink at a bar in Boulder after his suicide attempt. Scott said many times he should have died overseas, and during the fight with his girlfriend, she agreed. “I just grabbed a pair of scissors. … I just tried jabbing them into my neck, but they were closed, so I just gave myself a nice laceration. So, I grabbed a nice kitchen knife and cut my wrists,” Scott said. #

Scott Ostrom细数割腕后的缝针数。他说,在国外的时候他几经死亡。回国后,在与女友的一次争执中,他用剪刀刺颈自        杀失败,之后用刀割腕,留下了手腕上的伤疤。

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Veterans, from left, Richard Byrd, Robert Himber and Nick Watson talk with Scott after hiking Green Mountain in Boulder on April 16, 2011. The hike was led by Veterans Expeditions, which aims to help struggling veterans adjust to being home, and to balance their lives. Scott said later he appreciated his conversation with Himber, who is a Vietnam veteran. They talked about a friend of Scott’s who was killed in Iraq. Scott often thinks about the “brothers” he served with. “I miss quite a few of those guys. They were all good guys, and there is no replacement for them. … What you share with those people is stronger than most all the other bonds. One thing thatŐs great about having been a Marine is IŐve got friends wherever I go.” #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Losing control during a panic attack, Scott punches the bedroom door at his apartment on May 2, 2011. He said his anxiety was brought on by a conversation with his girlfriend, who moved all of her belongings out earlier that day. Scott said she also took some of his things, including his anti-anxiety and sleep-aid medication. “She took all my s— … my meds … bunch of my military s—. I hold that stuff very dear to my heart,Ó he said. “IŐm not going to be able to sleep tonight -Đ IŐm not going to get over this panic attack.Ó #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott is comforted by a friend during an argument with his girlfriend over the phone. Sitting on the bed, he started crying, later comparing the relationship to the stress of combat. “Sometimes I get into fights. It’s not a talking thing for me. I handle it like a Marine, like it’s a combat situation,” Scott said. “Being diagnosed with PTSD is an interesting thing. … It means I have nightmares every night. It means I’m hyper-vigilant — means I’m weird about noises in the middle of the night and lock my doors. It means I have no fuse and if I get attacked, I’m going to kill. … I don’t want to feel this way.” #

Scott Ostrom与女友在电话中吵架,他的友人在一旁安慰。之后他坐在床上开始痛哭


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


After punching a hole in his apartment door four times, Scott stands in his living room. “My PTSD comes from long exposure to combat trauma,” Scott said. “I think it comes from the fact that I survived. That wasn’t my plan. It’s an honor to die for my country, but I made it home.” #



伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott arrives over an hour early for an appointment at the VA Medical Center in Denver on May 4, 2011. Concerned he’d developed a heart condition, Scott said he hoped to receive a stress test but doubted they’d perform one. “IŐve got an hour. … I just know it’s going to be a pain in the a–. It always is.” He decided to go for a walk and take photos. Photography was part of his training as a reconnaissance man in the Marines and, upon his return, it became a hobby. He passed by an older vet wearing a Marine cap. Scott said, “You see the older veterans. They just look at you, but you know what they’re thinking. I had one guy tell me: ‘Well, I fought in a real war.’ ” #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott reacts to his apartment application being turned down in Westminster on May 6, 2011. The leasing manager said he was sorry but couldn’t allow Scott to move in because of an assault charge on his background check. Before the meeting, Scott said he wanted to get away from his troubled life in Boulder. “This new start is a good thing. I’m really excited about it. I hope he has good news for me. It’s far away from everything.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott looks over his military service records and weeps after the leasing manager leaves the room. Though Scott had his honorable discharge papers and his good-conduct medal, he said they meant nothing. “I’m not a criminal. You would think this would be worth something. It should be. It’s not, though.” He tossed the papers across the table. As Scott got up to leave, the manager apologized and said, “Thank you for service.” Scott went outside and muttered, “Thank you for your service. … thank you for your f—— service.Ó #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott takes Klonopin for a panic attack as he arrives with his dog, Jibby, at the VA Medical Center to seek care for a sprained wrist later in the day. He hurt his wrist at a jujutsu class for combat veterans the day before. Upon entering the crowded emergency room, Scott was told it would be at least a three- to four-hour wait. #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Cigarette in hand, Scott sits on the back of his truck after leaving the ER. He followed a recommendation to go to the ER at Boulder Community Hospital instead, where the wait should be shorter. He continued to stew over what the leasing manager said to him earlier in the day. “‘Thanks for your service … thanks for your service … now go f— yourself.’ That’s what I hear. ‘Welcome home.’ That’s all that should be said. Don’t thank me. I’m not protecting you from being attacked. … I’m securing your leaders’ wealth and their children’s trust funds. War secures assets and makes people rich.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott and Jibby enter their new apartment in Broomfield on May 11, 2011. “I decided to move because there were too many bad memories at that apartment. I was arrested twice, there’s blood all over the bathroom floor, it was small, it was loud.” He sat on the floor of his new apartment, relaxed. “I make the rules here. I control who visits me. I have room here. I feel like I’m getting a fresh start. I don’t hear a thing. This is peace and quiet. This is what I need.” Scott said his life before Iraq was normal. “I was so different. I was a normal high school kid. Then I joined the Marines. … I learned a lot of lessons really fast. … But when I got out, I let all that go. I adapted to my new environment. I let my hair grow. I started smoking pot. I adapted. I was adapting well, but now I feel like the black sheep.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


A picture of Scott holding his little brother after graduating boot camp at Paris Island, S.C., in June 2003 hangs on the refrigerator at Scott’s new apartment. “I was happy after boot camp. I knew I was going to do something. My parents were proud of me.” He talked about why he signed up. “I had just totaled my truck. É I was like, ‘Do I really want to take the bus to work every day for $10 an hour and live in a crappy apartment?’ I was going to end up in jail or doing drugs. So instead of going to work one day, I just took the bus to the recruiting station.” Scott said he was not aware of the looming war in Iraq when he signed up. “I was 18 years old. I didn’t watch the news. … I didn’t care. I just wanted to do something.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott smokes a joint at his apartment. He was thinking about the war and began speaking in mid-thought. “That’s what makes it so devastating. I had no control over that. That’s why war sucks. It doesn’t matter how good a soldier you are, just don’t be in the wrong place. I can’t believe I used to maka maka people,” a term he uses for killing. Scott doesn’t like the side effects of the medications the VA prescribed him. “Those medicines werenŐt addressing the issue itself and honestly didn’t work for me. … I am going to get better. I want to get better. But right now, that is not the case. And what I do in the mean time to help with these problems is I use cannabis Đ- I sleep better, and I don’t have side effects from it.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott stops by his old apartment to pick up his mail, which he reads in his parked truck on May 15, 2011. “Bill; can’t pay you … bill; can’t pay you. Oh, yellow envelope. Yellow envelopes are never good.” When he opened it, he found a letter from the VA, saying it increased his disability: “Evaluation of post-traumatic stress disorder; with associated generalized anxiety disorder; mood disorder, NOS; and alcohol abuse in remission, which is currently 50 percent disabling, is increased to 70 percent effective January 21, 2011.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott talks with his attorney, Christopher Griffin, after a court appearance at the Boulder County Justice Center on June 16, 2011. Scott had been charged with third-degree assault but ultimately pleaded guilty to harassment. A violation of a protection order was dismissed, and he pleaded guilty to driving while ability impaired. Griffin said he was greatly concerned for soldiers returning from war. “We send these kids off to war — we make them see things people otherwise wouldn’t have to see. Then we expect them to come back and behave like the rest of us. It’s breaking my heart, and we have to do something about it. As far as criminal justice goes, we need to look at these people differently.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


After a sleepless night, Scott stands at his window as he waits for his girlfriend to pick up all her things on May 24, 2011. He had rekindled the relationship and regretted it. “There’s no winning. I can’t walk out of the situation. … I feel like I’m constantly in combat,” he said. He recalls his marriage before his second deployment to Iraq. “They told us it was going to be serious. And I thought I want to get married before I die. So I found this girl, fell in love.” Ultimately the relationship added more stress to his time at war, “I found out that the girl I fell in love with and married was sleeping with a professor.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


During their breakup Scott tries to leave his apartment as his girlfriend seizes his glasses. “She steals my glasses because I can’t see without them. She antagonizes me. She does it to push my buttons, but I’m not going to do anything. I’m not going to hit her.” As soon as she entered, she immediately began carrying things to her car. “I dated this girl for almost two years, and it was the most tumultuous relationship I have ever had in my life. It was the closest thing that got me back to the levels of stress I had in combat,” Scott said. #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott watches as his girlfriend struggles to carry his Tempur-Pedic mattress from his apartment. She’d arrived to pick up her belongings but was taking his bed because she said she paid for it. After a 15-minute struggle with the heavy mattress, she gave up and left in a rage. He said the relationship was exactly what he needed at that time in his life. “I needed someone to affirm the way I felt about myself. … I felt like if I stayed with that person long enough and received enough punishment, then I have in some way sought redemption for my actions overseas in Iraq.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott works on building a fire while camping with Jibby on the Ceran St. Vrain Trail north of Boulder on May 26, 2011. Scott spent the weekend in the woods. “Memorial Day weekend always means a great deal to me now that I’m out of the service. It feels good to be in a space this big and feel as safe as I do. I feel so safe out here. If anything bad were to happen, I would know exactly what to do. I can’t say that about daily life. I need to make peace with myself. I know I can get better. I will make peace.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott looks at the sky before going to sleep. Scott recalled his worst day during his time in Iraq. “We got this infantry platoon attached to us to beef up our numbers. … There was this one guy, and I knew right away that we were going to be friends. … The vehicle he was riding in the passenger seat hit a really big bomb that day – really big IED, and it trapped him inside the humvee, and I got to listen to and watch him scream as he burned. And I never learned his name. There was nothing I could do. … I lost a friend that I never had.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott plays fetch with Jibby while camping on May 27, 2011. “She’s like a daughter to me,” he said. Scott spent a lot of time with Jibby and has credited her with saving his life. “For me Jibby is very therapeutic. … Sometimes I feel like a burden when I unload my emotions on friends, but Jibby’s always there, regardless of what mood I’m in. She’s a really happy dog, and keeping her happy really keeps me sane.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Resting in his hammock, Scott reads “The Catcher in the Rye.” He said he’s read it countless times and that it’s the perfect book for camping. “I like Holden Caulfield because he’s tangential. He lives in his own head. I can relate to that, I guess.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Jibby waits as Scott hitchhikes on May 28, 2011. Scott said he wasn’t excited about returning to daily life after camping. “Society reminds me of war. Being out here and being self-reliant is uplifting. Just knowing that I’m responsible for my own fate feels good. … It’s at the core of every man. We gotta be outside — we can’t be locked in a box.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott looks through ties at Nordstrom Rack in Boulder on May 31, 2011, as he gets ready for his first day of training for a job at the Cheesecake Factory. “It’s just the Cheesecake Factory, but I hope I don’t blow up on a customer. I’m worried about what people will think about me. … I don’t want them to point me out and say, ‘This guy doesn’t belong here.’ … I don’t know if my anxiety is normal or not. It’s a new job, so it’s probably normal. I’m a hard worker. I have a good work ethic. I can multitask. I can lead. I just hope my personal life doesn’t interfere.” He quit his job three months later because of just that. #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott drinks a beer outside a VFW Post in Longmont on June 21, 2011, after a phone conversation with a VFW employee turned ugly. He wanted to finish the disagreement in person, but by the time he arrived, the bar had closed. He wanted to have a drink among fellow veterans but instead drank alone in the parking lot. #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott stares at the fish tank at his apartment. He says caring for the fish gives him a purpose. “I need something to take care of. It gives me some responsibility. That way I can’t run around being too self-destructive,” he said. “I get to feed them, I control their environment, and I try to keep them alive and happy. It’s cool; I have my own little world, planet. They’ll pay me back for it one day, I know it.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott plays Call of Duty: Black Ops with an old neighbor, Caleb Trowbridge, at his apartment on June 28, 2011. Scott was home sick from work. Playing the war game, he said: “If there was a game just like war, I wouldn’t play it. It would be endless boredom interrupted by random moments of intense violence. … You’re bored out of your mind, then you’re as busy as you’re ever going to be. No video game could ever come close. “You pay 60 bucks for a game, and then the first time you play it, you get shot and killed, you die, everything goes black and the game stops working.” #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott watches an evening storm roll in outside his apartment on July 27, 2011. “I’m just feeling guilty about the things I did. I was a brutal killer, and I rejoiced in it. I was bred to be a killer, and I did it. Now I’m trying to adapt and feel human again. But to feel human, I feel guilty. I did horrible things to people, just to be evil. That’s why I can’t eat: I feel guilty, I feel sick.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Jibby and Scott lay on the floor of his apartment on Aug. 12, 2011. Scott said he was exhausted, and then went quiet and motionless. Eventually he broke the silence and said, “I’m tired of having bad f—— dreams. I can’t take a nap because I’ll feel worse. I fall asleep, but it doesn’t make it better. Everybody says, ‘With time, with time it will all go away.’ So I’m waiting.” He got up, smoked a cigarette, made coffee and complained about the dirty dishes and his messy apartment. Just as he started cleaning, he said, “I don’t have the motivation to do this s—. I don’t have any motivation.” Scott returned to the spare room, smoked some pot and pulled out his journal from Iraq. While he read, he laughed hard. Then shortly after his burst of laughter, he verged on tears. He put the journal aside and laid back down, Jibby joining him. #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott talks with Marine Sgt. Dean Sanchez of the Wounded Warrior Regiment on their way to find a suit for Scott’s upcoming trip to Washington, D.C., on Sept. 13, 2011. Scott was invited by the Sierra Club’s Military and Veterans Affairs coordinator to represent the organization during Great Outdoors America Week. “Sanchez was instrumental in saving my life,” Scott said. “When he couldn’t help me, he put me in touch with the people that could. … Sanchez is there to make me proud to be a Marine. He doesn’t let me forget where I came from.” #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott laughs with Sanchez while shopping at JC Apparel Industries in Denver. The owner, also a former Marine, sold Scott a suit for cost. “There’s a lot of people that care about me right now,” Scott said. “I can’t thank them enough. I have a lot of generous friends — people that talk to me. They listen to me cry. A lot of good friends.” #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott laughs with fellow Marine veteran Chris Fesmire, left, and U.S. Sen. Michael Bennet at Denver International Airport on Sept. 19, 2011. The veterans happened to be on the same flight to Washington as the senator, who introduced himself. Both Scott and Fesmire were headed to the nation’s capital to represent the Sierra Club during Great Outdoors America Week. Bennet, who is active in veterans affairs, and the two met again later in the week during the event. #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


While at his apartment on Oct. 24, 2011, Scott looks at photographs, including one of himself, taken during his time in Iraq. “I regret coming home safely. I regret not getting seriously injured or killed. … Sometimes innocent people got hurt and killed, but it’s their fault for being in the … way,” he said. “I don’t feel bad for anything I did over there — I feel bad for what I didn’t do.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott looks at a photo of a dead insurgent taken during his time in Iraq. He recalled the night when his platoon was called to a firefight at a safehouse of insurgent leader Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, where, after arriving at 2 a.m., they fought for 15 hours. “Once we finished, we got all the enemy dead and dragged their bodies up to the road. I think we left a note, took pictures, and left their bodies there and, you know, brewed coffee in the humvee. … I had this thought: ‘Is this weird?’ And we agreed that it felt like a job.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Having woken from a neighbor’s barking dog, Scott desperately searches his phone for a number to call Animal Control on Oct. 25, 2011. Scott was anxious to enroll in a residential PTSD program at Denver’s VA Medical Center and planned to go there later in the day. Scott, weighing 140 pounds — down 45 pounds from his normal weight — found his appetite and stress were directly related. He said he didn’t even think about food and hadn’t eaten very well for months. #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott stands tensely in the kitchen, where his day starts with a panic attack. He said the day before was “one long panic attack” and that this day was starting out similarly. Scott said his PTSD was becoming unmanageable. “I don’t know what I want. I need someone to tell me what to do,” he said. He explained his panic attacks as tingling hands and feet – that his arms and legs felt detached. “I’m short of breath and my chest is tight, painfully tight.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott smokes a cigarette before entering the VA Medical Center, where he hopes to enroll in a residential PTSD program. “I have to, or I’m gonna end up on the street talking to myself,” he said. “We’re ending the war in Iraq, so 40,000 more troops are coming home. That means a lot of PTSD and a lot of homeless people. I figure I better get the tools I need to live a peaceful and gratifying life.” He paused, then said, “and find someone I love. I’m a good person.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott strains to see whether his name has appeared on the board outside the pharmacy at the VA Medical Center. After talking with a counselor and a physician, he discovered he needed a referral from his psychologist to pursue the residential PTSD program. After seeing Scott’s mental state, the doctor gave him a prescription for Seroquel, an antipsychotic medication. #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott rests on his bus ride home. “I was terrified. I couldn’t control my own thoughts. … The next step was hearing voices and then doing something that I could never take back,” he said. When he found he needed a referral from his psychologist to enroll in the program, Scott settled instead for an antipsychotic medication. “I don’t remember much until right after I saw the doctors,” he said. “And 30 minutes later, when the medication started kicking in, I was instantly hungry. I was instantly relaxed. I could feel all the tension, all the pain that I was holding onto in my upper back, and my stomach muscles were sore from shaking.” #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Jibby greets Scott as he arrives home. Though he wasn’t able to enroll in the residential PTSD program he was interested in, he learned how to get accepted: follow his mental-health program and prove his seriousness about his recovery. “Thank God for the VA,” Scott said. “I’m so glad they’re there.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott waits in the emergency room at Denver’s VA Medical Center to turn himself in for inpatient care on Nov. 4, 2011. He returned to the center after a week with the same problems. “I’m back in the same place I was before. I’m having nightmares about the war. I had to take two Seroquel just to get up this morning.” He called the VA earlier that day and told them he was going to kill himself or someone else. Scott stayed in inpatient treatment for a week. “The first 72 hours was mandatory because of what I was saying. The rest was because I wasn’t ready to leave.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott makes one last attempt at a wall climb before leaving The Spot Bouldering Gym in Boulder on Veterans Day 2011. “That’s it. I’m done. I’m beat,” he said. He’d been out of the inpatient treatment at the VA Medical Center for just over a day. Before he went into the program, he’d taken up rock climbing with passion. “I had a great day. I had a fantastic day. It’s the first time in a long time I felt like myself. It felt good,” he said. Scott said consistent physical training was missing from his life, and that as a Marine, that consistency and training is important. “Marines need pain and physical activity to be happy people — you’ve got to punish your body in order to survive.” #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott drives through Boulder in his truck, which he adorns with a Marine battalion flag twice a year — Veterans Day and Memorial Day. Scott said he often struggles with the pride he feels, or wants to feel, for his service in the Marines. “You have to ignore certain things or make peace with them. That’s what I’m struggling with. All I ask is you let me enjoy what I did over there. Let me be proud of it. I feel like I’m part of something no one agrees with.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott shakes hands and talks with fellow veteran Mike Butler at C.B. & Potts restaurant in Broomfield on Nov. 11, 2011. Veterans drank for free, and Scott was happy to find someone to talk with. Butler said he was a staff sergeant in the Air Force and served in the Persian Gulf War. #

伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott packs his bags at his apartment on Dec. 23, 2011, after being accepted into the PTSD Residential Rehabilitation Program at Denver’s VA Medical Center. “I’m really excited about going into this program,” he said. He packed minimally — pants, T-shirts, toiletries, medication and his computer. “I’m gonna get some skills that will last me the rest of my life. Relationship skills, coping skills — I’ll learn to be aware of my triggers.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


After spending Christmas with friend and fellow veteran Chris Fesmire in South Park, Scott arrives at Denver’s VA Medical Center on Dec. 26, 2011. Having followed his psychologist’s advice to continue individual and group therapy sessions, gain stability with his medications and quit smoking marijuana, Scott said he felt better. “Eventually you get to a point where you just … break down,” he said. “The only other option is to put a hand out and ask for help.” #


伊战士兵Scott Ostrom-菲林中文-独立胶片摄影门户!


Scott takes a deep breath after checking in to the PTSD Residential Rehabilitation Program. “This may sound superficial, but I hope my nightmares go away. I’m tired of dreaming about Iraq. … I’d rather dream about … girls and water slides,” he said. Scott said his fellow soldiers helped him to cope with his life while he was in Iraq. “I guess I could say this year was the worst year of my life because I wasn’t constantly surrounded by my brothers. Iraq was … horrible, but at least I had my family there with me. … Next year is going to be much better. I mean … life’s already looking up, you know?” #